For just_muse_me - 28 Bonus 3 - Love Letter

[rocksaltshotgun]

Bonus #3: Write a love letter, anonymous or otherwise, to someone your muse loves

There was a show Dean had caught an episode or two of (that he now realized reminded him far too much of the terrible future he'd seen...), where the lead wrote letters to his missing father each episode, then burned them, believing that it would send the message on to him. He didn't know if it would work or not, but it sure as hell couldn't hurt to try...


Cas,

You know I'm not really good at this kind of thing -- and it's even more weird writing it down on paper, where someone else might see it. But since I'm gonna burn this to send it to you, I guess that's safe.

I love you, Cas. I love you so much it terrifies me. I'm not used to feeling something like this, where it feels like it's in control of me, not the other way round. And I wouldn't trade it for anything, cause I don't think I could live without you.

And I'm scared. I'm scared that when all this is done, and you and everyone else is forgiven by Heaven, that you're gonna go back -- that you're gonna leave me. I'm scared that you'll stop seeing me the way you do and start seeing what I really am. I'm scared that the big fireworks at the finale of the show are gonna kill you or me and I won't be with you when it happens. I'm... just scared, Cas.

I miss you. I know you have your orders, and I know what it's like to be the good soldier, but I love you and I miss you and I'm greedy. I just want to feel your arms and wings around me when I'm lying there in bed.

I love you, Castiel.

Yours, always, Dean

When he finished, he scrubbed a hand over his face, wiping away the tears that fallen without his knowledge. One of them had splashed on the paper, and he looked at the slight stain where the ink had run. No one would see it, anyway, and no one could see him where he sat out under the stars... He didn't have to worry about keeping up a brave face for anyone right now.

He tore the page from the notebook and folded it in fourths, then wrote "Castiel" on the outside. With a whisper of his Bonded's name, he held the corner of the letter into the fire until it caught, then dropped it in and let it burn. I hope it reaches you, he thought, looking up into the starry night above as sparks rose from the small fire, spiralling into the darkness.

------
Muse: Dean Winchester
Fandom: Supernatural
Word Count: 442 per MyWritingNook
Castiel is angelofthursday
Written for just_muse_me

Comments

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

"Hello, Dean." Castiel looks tired, careworn. He's no longer drunk, but he's angry - angry with God, with Heaven, with Zachariah, with Lucifer. He's angry that things are not going according to any sort of plan. He's angry that his Orders are conflicting and one Michael is on a sabbatical and the other is nowhere to be found. And he's angry that he's unable to be where he should be, with whom he should be, more often than he is.

"I received your letter," is what he says. "I don't have much time," he adds. "I do not know how this will end," he admits, "but I will not return to Heaven permanently. Just as Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, Raziel, Remiel and Uriel do not return to Heaven permanently."


ooc: Am about to head to bed, and SO exhausted omg.

[rocksaltshotgun]

He looks up, not exactly startled by Castiel's sudden appearance, but at least surprised. "Hey. I wasn't sure if it would work or not." He looks down again and more quietly adds, "I'm glad it did."

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Sits beside him. "Are you all right?"

[rocksaltshotgun]

Leans against him. "I miss you. A lot. And I know why you're away so much -- I know you have things you have to do. We all do. I'm just... Like I said, I'm scared we'll be apart when something really bad happens..." It's not something he lets himself think about too often, but when Gabriel was killed, well, those worries started becoming a little too real...

I only just got this! >:0

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Castiel sighs softly. "I know you do not like hearing this, but... have faith, Dean. I have faith in you and what we are doing. When this is over, all will be well."

*stabs LJ* >.<

[rocksaltshotgun]

He echoes Castiel's sigh. "Never been really good at that faith thing... I keep trying, but everything just-- it's so much." Leans into him, so glad to feel him warm and solid, right there with him.

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

"I know." Castiel sighs softly and slides his arm around Dean's shoulders. "It has been a difficult year or so for you and I fear there is still more yet to come. I am relieved that you are with Sam and Gabriel, Michael, Raziel and Raphael are watching over the house in Wickenburg. That is a great deal of power and protection."

[rocksaltshotgun]

"Yeah," he breathes, clinging to Castiel's warmth. "I'm trying, Cas. I really am. I'll do whatever needs doing -- we gotta save humanity from all this shit. But I-- I love you and I need you, and I can't lose you..."

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Castiel nods. "I know," he repeats. "We will do all we can. I love you too. You will not lose me."

[rocksaltshotgun]

Softly, "Stay with me tonight?"

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

"As long as I am able." Castiel hugs Dean close. "I do not know how long I have, but I will stay as long as I can."

[rocksaltshotgun]

He nods, well aware of the call of duty. "That's all I ask..." Pulls Castiel close and kisses him. He's not really sure when the need to feel closeness surpassed the need for sex, but if they don't have time for more than holding each other, that's okay with him.

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Kisses him back, rubbing Dean's back with one hand. Clouds skud slowly across the sky overhead and Castiel hums quietly.

[rocksaltshotgun]

Sighs softly and holds Castiel close, listening to his hum. That sound brings him so much more comfort than he'd ever expected it would.

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Pulls a face as it starts to rain. "Arizona weather," Castiel mutters as he ends the kiss.

[rocksaltshotgun]

Damn it. "Didn't bring a tent -- I was just gonna... I dunno. I was winging it." At least it's still warm...

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Castiel looks confused. "Why would you use a tent? Wouldn't you sleep in your car?"

[rocksaltshotgun]

"Well, yeah, that too. But she's all the way back at the side of the road -- the terrain was too rough. Wanna hike back there?"

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

"All right." Castiel smiles his trademark small smile and stands up, helping Dean up.

[rocksaltshotgun]

Gets up and puts out the fire, making sure nothing remains that could set a wildfire later on, then smiles at Castiel and squeezes his hand. "D'you know how happy you make me?"

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

Castiel considers this seriously. "I hope that I make you happy." Quantities of happiness elude him, however.

[rocksaltshotgun]

Softly, "You always do." Takes his hand and kisses him. "C'mon, let's get to the car before we're soaked through..."

[angelofthursday.livejournal.com]

"As you say." Walks beside him to the Impala.